Editor to Open New In-plant

Bob Neubauer stands by a press, plotting his takeover of the in-plant industry. Credit: ChatGPT

After more than 30 years of writing about the in-plant industry, IPI Editor Bob Neubauer has decided to open his own in-plant – and start taking work away from the very in-plant managers he’s been writing about. Having learned all their secrets, Neubauer is confident he can convince their parent organizations to reroute their print work to his shop.

“These in-plants are so busy flying under the radar they won’t even see me swooping in to steal their work,” he laughs.

Summoning all his creativity, he’s decided to call the shop “In-plant Impressions.”

“Why get new business cards?” he reasons.

The new in-plant will start with simple jobs like posters, business cards, and telephone directories, with the goal of eventually printing the full run of In-plant Impressions magazines.

Neubauer was inspired to start his own in-plant after years of watching managers make silly mistakes, like not marketing their services, trusting upper management to have their backs, and installing Web-to-print software but not using most of the features.

“In-plants need someone smart, like me, to show them how to do their jobs,” he quips.

As for how he will get the printing done, he points to a discarded ABDick he found behind a Sir Speedy. Though he’s never run a press, his tremendous ego tells him it will be easy.

“I’m sure I can get this thing working,” he says. “I just have to find the button to push.”

No word on how he plans to print 13,000 copies of the magazine on the one-color press.

Neubauer is now actively searching for a cramped, windowless basement in which to open his new in-plant.

Happy April Fools Day!